It is one thing to suspect there is no god. It is quite another to know with certainty. And in the third decade of the 21st century, tandem discoveries in biology and evolutionary science rang the death knell for god once and for all, biology haven proven conclusively the impossibility of consciousness surviving death of the body, and physicists proving the origin of the universe was not of supernatural origin. Of course many religiously minded could not accept these discoveries and it was not until decades later that the findings became widely accepted.
“Do I really want to go through with this?” Charlotte Ellis pulled into the parking lot of Elysian Fields Funeral Home and Afterlife Services. Even though she had thoroughly researched the facility, and even spoke with the references provided by the home, she was still apprehensive. After all it was for eternity, practically speaking, anyway.
The cool and dark atmosphere of the funeral home was soothing and a welcome relief from the scorching midday sun. Various styles of coffins were on display, as was to be expected, and she felt relieved she would not have to go through the tedious process of selecting one. “Mrs. Ellis? Mr. Kilpatrick is ready to see you”. She was led through the showroom by the chirpy young receptionist, to the sales office, where she was greeted by a tall, but somewhat portly man in his fifties, clean shaven, with graying sideburns, and smelling faintly of that same generic cologne all salesmen seem to wear.
“Mrs. Ellis? I’m Dan Kilpatrick, and I will be helping you with your choice of afterlife services. Please make yourself comfortable. Can I have Miss Levitz bring you some coffee or tea?
“No thank you”.
“Well, Mrs. Ellis, I am sure you have many questions about how this works, but I have found it is best to just begin at the beginning as it were, and once I have made my presentation, I can answer any remaining questions you may have, and we can go into more detail about any personal touches you may wish to add to your afterlife experience”.
“First, we will implant a small computer chip under your scalp. It is a simple procedure, which only requires some local anesthesia and takes less than 30 minutes. Once the chip is activated it will begin to mine data from the storage areas in your brain. This data includes memories, behavior patterns, etc. The data will be transmitted to your own personal server which we will keep in a climate controlled environment at our main facility. This facility is equipped with generators in the case of power outages. The chip will continue to mine data, until it has “caught up”, so to speak, that is, when it has finished retrieving old memories. From that point, it will update at fixed intervals so that new memories and experiences will be stored. The chip is designed such that when it detects that death is immanent, it will transfer your consciousness over to your server. You will then awaken in the afterlife of your choosing”.
“As for the fine details of your afterlife experience…well…the possibilities are endless. We have, through an exclusive agreement with Magus Gameworx, access to the talents of some of the most gifted game designers in the world. They can custom design for you an environment of your choosing. You can be any age you want, anywhere you want, at any time in history you want. Why, just two months ago, we provided our services to an antiquities professor who specialized Germanic studies. He requested his remains be burned in a replica of a Viking longboat, and that his afterlife experience designed around Norse Mythology and the sagas, complete with battles, pillaging, Valkyries, and Valhalla.”
“There is one final thing I must mention. Many people still associate the idea of Paradise with that of an afterlife. This is not what we offer here. We can only offer you a new existence in a total environment of your choice. In order for it to be realistic, there will need to be a certain amount of unpredictability and chaos programmed into it. And in order for your experience of this environment to be realistic you will need to feel the full gamut of human emotions. Not only happiness and joy, but fear, anger, and sometimes even grief. We do think, however, we can guarantee an overall positive experience. But take heed, if you are not a generally happy person now, you most likely will not be in your chosen afterlife. You may ask why that is, but the plain fact is that if everything were perfect all the time you would be bored to death. And, believe me we tried. When my father was developing this technology, the first afterlifes he designed were based on a Paradise model. Within weeks all of our test subjects became suicidal”.
It had been a productive day. Another happy customer. The clacking of heels on the tile floor of the showroom, increasingly louder, distracted him from his reverie of self-satisfaction. He looked up to see Miss Levitz in the doorway of his office, her head cocked slightly to one side.
“Do you ever wonder if we are doing more harm than good?”
“How so?”
“Well… we finally have scientific evidence which refutes beyond any doubt the existence of a god or an afterlife. Aren’t we just enabling people to hold onto their superstitions?”
“Science has still not defeated death, and for all its efforts, has not managed to extend life beyond, on average, eighty years or so. It’s simply a design flaw in the human body. And even though death has been with us for all time, and is inevitable, people still have a hard time accepting that there will come a time when they will no longer exist, even more so now that we have incontrovertible proof. Unlike their god, who as failed them in every way, we can provide an afterlife, a reward for all their hard years of existence in an indifferent universe. And think about potential this technology has for law enforcement. We could literally send our worst offenders to hell.”
Miss Levitz quit the doorway and slinked up to Kilpatrick, plopping herself in his lap. “And what about cheating on your wife?”.
“Like religion, marriage too, is old fashioned and outdated, yet people cling to it”. Kilpatrick scooped Miss Levitz from his lap, and plopped her on his desk, parting her thighs.
“Besides, I’m pretty sure she has her fun, too. She’s been leaving our lawn guy some rather large tips. Did you lock the door?”
“Yes. I was thinking we could do it in one of the coffins this time.”
“You naughty, naughty girl”.